Fairytale -The Magic House

This is a very interesting piece of writing. As well as the work itself, I have included the Notes Jeff gave me to go with the finished story. I have decided to publish both the story and the Notes so that people can enjoy both. As a fellow writer I am always interested in seeing how other writer's work. The Notes give a lot of insight into how well planned Jeff's stories are. I have to confess I usually get half an idea, start writing and go on from there. It is only with my non-fiction 'commercial' writing that I use a fairly comprehensive template and writing plan.

Read the story, then study the Notes and then read the story again. It will prove insightful as well as offering a pleasant interlude while you read the story.


FAIRYTALE
(The Magic House)

Once there was a man named Olen, who was traveling to a far land. He was a poor man, having only a small purse with barely enough for his journey. And he was alone.

Olen had left his own land to search for something, but he wasn't sure what it was that he sought. In Mare he had never felt comfortable. The things which were important to his countrymen did not seem of very great importance to Olen. Perhaps in Icafar he would find a way of life which appealed to him.

But the new land was strange to him. Everything was unfamiliar, he could barely understand the language of the people, and things were constantly happening which he couldn't explain. There was a sense of expectancy in the air, as if something important was about to occur.

Olen came to a large river, which was uncrossable without a boat of some kind. On the bank was an old woman, gazing across the waters and wringing her hands in anguish. Summoning the few words of Knaa which he had learned, and trying for pronunciation which would be understandable, he approached her and spoke.

"Fine morning, Mother! What is the trouble which has you so upset?"

As the form turned toward him, Olen was unable to clearly see the woman's face, for she was wrapped in a robe with a cowl-like hood. But his impression was that she was very old, being bent and stooped.

"I must cross this river, and the ferry is coming now. But I haven't the money for the fare.", she answered in a wavering, cracking voice. "What am I to do? There is no one to help me."

Looking across the water himself, he saw a small boat - a raft, actually - which was pulled across the turbulent river by ropes. As it neared the shore, the ferryman called out.

"Begone, crone! I have told you these last three trips: change yourself into a crow and fly across, but you'll not ride my ferry without paying me two deci for the fare. Your magic does not scare me at all, old one!"

With that, the raft ground to the shore where the old woman and Olen stood.

"Ah! A paying customer, perhaps. Here, Gentleman, let me help you aboard. Away, hag! Leave the gentleman alone."

"The lady is my guest, ferryman. Please assist her." Olen had not even thought before uttering these words. The despair of the old woman had touched him, and the ferryman's harsh words to her had brought forth his defense. Reaching into his purse he brought forth his last coin. "Will this cover our fares, boatman?"

The ferryman took Olen's coin, bit it, weighed the unfamiliar foreign piece in his hand, and pronounced "Just the right amount, it seems. Aboard! Aboard!"

Both men helped load the few baskets and bags that the old woman had standing on the ground with her. And then the barge began its journey back across the river, pulled by the muscular arms of the ferryman. The trip was not long, but the river was deep and fast. It took all the strength and concentration of the boatman to manage his craft and he said not a word on the traverse. Olen and the old woman likewise maintained silence until the other side was reached.

After they disembarked the old woman thanked Olen for her fare. She sat on the ground surrounded by small parcels. Laboriously she slung a bag over each sloped shoulder, and grasped the two baskets. Struggling to gain her feet, wheezing with effort, she finally stood after a fashion.

"Are you traveling this road ahead, Mother? Perhaps I can help you with your load." Olen had lifted the packages from the barge, and their weight was considerable. How the woman could have managed them alone was beyond his understanding, but many things here in Icafar were strange.

She handed him a heavy basket. With his own small pack on his back, there was enough of a load for him. But the woman asked him to put one of her bags into the basket he carried. When he did so, the load became lighter by half. Then the other bag, which further lightened the whole. Finally, the last basket fit inside the first, and the accumulated baggage of the old woman was of no more weight than his purse, which now was totally empty. Even his own pack seemed lighter. And so they progressed along the road toward what destination Olen only barely knew.

"I don't know very much about magic," Olen stated, "for in my land of Mare there is no such thing. But you certainly seem to have some uncanny ability. Why did you not simply lighten your load? It is clear that you were struggling under it."

Still from under the hood, with wavering tones, the old woman answered. "It is not permitted to me to perform magic for my own benefit. But when it was to lighten your load, which you took upon yourself, then it was permitted. You have a good heart, Olen, to assist me so."

He marvelled that she knew his name. Olen was sure that he had not spoken it in her presence. This was truly a different and strange land.

They continued down the road, with little conversation. It was almost fully dark when finally they reached the side of a small stream where they stopped to rest.

"And where will you go now, Olen? It is late, but there is a village ahead about an hour's walk. There you may find a place to spend the night.

"But I have nothing with which to pay, for I gave my last coin to the ferryman. I shall stay here tonight, and in the light of a new day I will seek out some form of work in this new land. For now I will stay by the streamside and sleep. What of you, Mother?"

"I must go on. But you are a very kind man, Olen, to have spent your last coin on my fare across the river. But perhaps you are mistaken, and it was not your last. I think there may be another in your purse."

Olen felt the purse around his neck, and showed a look of surprise as he felt the coin within. He loosened the drawstring, and took out an identical coin to the one he had given the ferryman - completely alike, even to the tooth marks. "How is this here, Mother?" he asked.

The greedy man must have taken it out to admire how he robbed you on the way back across the river. That coin is worth at least 10 deci, but he told you it was just enough to cover our two fares. He must have dropped it into the river, I would think. He will not suspect that his greed made it fly back to you."



And here are the Notes:

NOTES - Fairytale - The Magic House

Target length: 1500 - 2000 words

Action:
* Olen helps witch; what does he want most?
* Given hut to live in instead
* Finds small pot of gold
* Finds wife; house grows for Olen, shrinks for Orme
* Hires helper for wife - Ovel
* Wife takes back the wages of Ovel
* Hut too small for Orme
* Orme leaves; Olen gives her what remains of gold
* Can't pay Ovel
* Ovel stays anyway
* House grows
* Ovel finds pot of gold
* Witch returns?


Names:
* Lone - olen; ealon; aelon
* Solo - loos; ools; sloo; olos; osol
* Love - evol; ovel; olve; elvo; vorel; rovel
* Heart - thear; thare; ather; athre; ethar; retha; rathe; erath; arthe
* Africa - Icafar
* Akan - Knaa
* Amer - Mare
* Cedi - deci
* More - Orme; erom; remo
* Greed - dreeg; drege; gedre
* Life - Laef; lief; leif; fael; feal; fale; fela; lafe; efla; afel

Point of view:
* Omniscient narrator; past tense

Characters:
* Old woman (witch?)
* Olen - old man, poor, good heart, loving, lonely, generous
* Orme - Olen's wife, greedy, selfish, never satisfied
* Vole - Servant girl, giver

Ideas:
* pots of gold in yard
* bequest? w/mystery
* analogy: growing hut/Olen's heart
* magic house/hut - expands/contracts w/ love within



I like the 'voice' of the story, it really is a fairytale style of narrative. You know the moral issues being pushed and you can guess the outcome will be a positive one for the hero, but all the same it flows along and keeps you reading to make sure all's well that ends well. The mark of a gifted story teller, methinks.